about a man I called father..

on January 14, 2011 - 7.35 a.m West Indonesia local time, my dearest father left this world and returned to Heavenly Father's home.. where, I'm sure, he's warmly welcome..

my father was born on May 7, 1953, he was named Sie Hong Gie, a second son in the family.. he was graduated from University of Indonesia, Faculty of Economics, majoring in Management.. he loved to eat and travel.. on April 21, 1985, he married my mom, and a year later, they have me :)

my father got stroke on May 1996, when I was still 10 years old.. he has previously suffered diabetes and high blood pressure, and the combination of both creates the stroke attack.. the stroke got him an unnormal left part of the body.. his left hand and leg couldn't function properly.. he can walk, although not like normal people and he easily got tired.. I remember how he used to complain and how he went here and there just to try to be cured.. 

my father's biggest wish was to be able to drive a car again.. you can tell that he really loves to travel.. when I was still in elementary school, I used to join him going to office and he dropped me at my school..

I used to think that my father doesn't love me, since he loved my younger brother so much.. I used to be really mad at him of how he treated me.. when I was older, my father realized that he loves my brother a little more than he loves me.. so he tried to make it up to me.. he often talked to me, asked me about my school and work.. he tried to make me laugh with his jokes,  share his thoughts and even give advice.. later, he said that he is sorry for not loving me as much as his love for my brother..

my father was a pessimist.. since he got the stroke, he felt really miserable.. he started to hate life and think that death would be better.. once, he told my cousin -his favorite nephew- that he would prefer to die that live as a disabled.. my cousin then challenged him, asking him to see his children graduated and become bachelor.. he agreed to be strong until the time comes.. this story was told by my cousin on his funeral.. I have never heard this before.. 

I went to University of Indonesia (UI), Faculty of Economics, majoring in Accounting.. I remember that he was so proud of me going to the same college as him.. I remember he mentioned a few of his friends who became teacher in UI during my college years.. my brother went to Singapore's Nanyang Technological University (NTU), majoring in mechanical engineering.. I remember that he was so proud yet a little reluctant to let my brother go abroad..

I was graduated on January 28, 2008.. the graduation ceremony took place in UI's balairung which was unreachable for him to come.. the land was hilly and we believe it would be hard for him to come.. and so he didn't see me graduated.. he heard the stories and saw the pictures.. he congratulated me for achieving the Bachelor of Economics..

like I've said before, he loved my brother so much.. when finally my brother graduated from his college, my father really wanted to go to see his beloved son's graduation.. however, like UI, NTU was in a hilly part of Singapore, which will cause a lot of walking on foot.. I remember that he insisted to go, that he would ask my cousin to accompany him during the trip.. my mom and I decided to take the flight with Tiger Airways, a budget airlines which landed in Changi budget terminal.. this was going to make the trip even more difficult from him, since we have to get off the plane by stairs.. I remember that I was going to pay for his ticket with Air Asia, but he refused.. he said, it's okay if he didn't come.. it's one thing that I regret now, I wished I had forced him to come and see his beloved son's graduation..

my father doesn't got a lot of picture of himself.. he seems a little awkward if you take a picture of him.. like the one I posted here.. but he always eager to have a family photograph.. we have done twice family photograph.. one when I was still in high school and another one after my brother and I graduated.. he really insisted to get the family photograph, I don't know why.. well, perhaps he wanted to leave us with a nice portrait of him, still standing tall..

he loved soccer so much that he inherited the hobby to both of his children.. I remember when I was still at school, we would wake up in the middle of the night just to watch a soccer match live.. I was the one who will cook instant noodle in the middle of the break.. 

since he was sick, he spent most of his days at home, wearing only t-shirt and shorts.. he had a lot of stocks.. whenever we asked him out, he will wear polo-shirt and shorts and his favorite pairs of mountain sandal.. a few years ago, I bought him a polo shirt for his birthday, and it became his favorite outfit to go out of house.. he said that the fabric was cool and he really liked it.. he always wears that polo every time he went out, even the color had fade.. 

my father loved to talk and laugh.. he love to share his youth stories and the people he knew in his youth days.. he talked about politics, work and soccer.. he could sit for hours to just talk.. he said that after he talked, he felt relieved.. like nothing could bother him..

about three months ago, he fell and broke his right leg bone.. the fell accident was the beginning of the hardest time in his life.. since he fell, he couldn't walk.. he had to go for a surgery to replace the right leg bone.. then, he spent three times a week for therapy, but it was too hard for him.. he started to lose hope.. it was hard for him to have a limp left leg, and he had to face that his right leg was not functioning as well as he expected.. I can see that he was so stressed out that he began to loose weight..

perhaps he had felt that he's going to leave this world soon that he started to apologize to almost everybody he knew.. he always asked for prayers for him from anyone who come to visit him.. during his last days in the world, we spent our days at hospital.. thank God, he still could recognize people coming to visit him.. he still wanted to laugh and talk with others, asking how they were doing.. 

the last time he opened his eyes, he didn't ask for anything.. he only asked for his children.. he once told my cousin that he wished to see me get married, but then he said, it's okay if he couldn't.. in the hospital, he asked me whether I love him or not.. then he apologized for everything he had done.. then I fell into tears.. I remember I couldn't stop crying.. 

then I prayed and begged to the Lord, that if my dad was guaranteed to be saved and he confessed with his mouth and heart that Jesus was his savior, then I would let him go.. but if he had not confessed, then I'm begging for God's mercy to let him live, so I may have more time to talk about Christianity to him..

during his last conscious hours, he finally called for Jesus and confessed with his mouth that Jesus is his savior.. I felt peace in my heart and I know that it's okay to let him go.. until his funeral, I did cry, but I felt amazingly calm and my heart was filled with peace..


so now, dear God, I am trusting him to you.. I didn't say good bye to my father.. instead, I say 'God be with you till we meet again, papi'.. I love you much..