panjaaaaaaaangg dan lebaaaaarrrr

WARNING: this is a LONG post.. walo ga sepanjang antrian busway arah kalideres di halte harmoni :) do enjoy, though.. and please don't force yourself to finish it.. it's just my mind and completely okay if you stop reading due to boredom :) hihihi...

Someone will always be prettier.

Someone will always be smarter.

Someone’s house will be bigger.

Someone will drive a better car.

Someone’s children will do better in school.

And Someone’s husband will fix more things around the house.

So let it go, and love you and your circumstances.

Think about it.

The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.

And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children.

And the richest woman you know, she’s got the car, the house, the clothes...might be lonely.

And the word says if “I have not Love, I am nothing.”

So, again, love you. Love who you are.

Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say..

“I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!”

“Winners make things happen. Losers let things happen.”

“To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world.”

the phrase above was written by someone I don't know, was forwarded through email and gives me something to think about.. I used to be a complainer (is that even a word?) and I still complains sometimes.. well, I'm sure in life there are things happen not as our plan, some works are too difficult, some friends are too annoying, some bosses are too demanding and stuffs..

personally, I would say that I actually don't mean to complain.. I used to say the word "aduh" or take a deep breath.. well, to be honest, I don't intentionally do that, it's more of a spontaneous reactions.. so do forgive me, if there are times I do those stuffs in front of you.. I try to change but it takes time.. longer that I've expected..

I love to talk.. I'm talkative.. and when I talked, I would directly talk about something that's been in my mind.. well, lately it would be work.. I dunno how work can really take over my brain.. it's like unconciously I would talk about work over and over again.. as a defense, I would say that I spend more than 8 hours in work and my mind continuously focus on the tasks I got.. and so yeah, it basically controls my mind for the 8 hours of normal working hours and sometimes it continues til I got home.. I'm not saying that I hate my work.. in fact, I'm enjoying it.. okay, stop about work ahhahaha... see, it's even intending to take over this post..

well, what I want to talk is life.. my life, to be specific.. and probably your life, if you have something common with me.. let me make this clear.. I am 24 years old, working as a banker and I am happy with my life.. like I've said before, there are times when I complains.. but overall, I love my life.. some parts of it are tough.. you know, those parts when you feel like walking in a shadow and you can't see any doors or windows or anybody to talk to..

I learnt through these years to be more thankful.. during my college time, I used to complain to God for a lot of things.. now, looking back to those times, I realized that I've been really unstable and unable to see things in the right point of view.. I used to be selfish.. well, I'm not saying that I'm completely unselfish now.. but I learn to think towards my problems thoroughly.. just to get a better picture of it.. I learn a lot..

life has been quite hard for me.. it's not something I could share.. I used to cry a lot when I'm alone.. and I couldn't even say a pray.. but I know that God understands the language of tears, right? I know that He has helped me through the hardest times.. I wouldn't be this strong if He hadn't held my hands.. now, with His help, I managed to smile and pray.. smile has been my shelter for a long time.. it's like my ultimate weapon to say that I'm alright..

I love to smile.. for me, I'm always beautiful when I'm smiling.. ahahaha.. now, I'm happy.. really happy with my life.. with friends I have around me.. well, they may not seem to understand sometimes.. but just by being around, sharing their stories, joking around.. they have helped me to smile.. and by smiling I know, that I will be okay.. that all is well..

sometimes people may think high about us.. hum, because you smile all the time, people think you don't have any problem.. because your salary is higher, people thinks you're happier.. because you spend more, people thinks you're richer.. well, I think those people must be really shallow.. we have to see the coin from both sides.. nobody's life is perfect.. you really can't judge people only by looking at their cover.. so I learn to clear my mind when seeing somebody new.. try (though it's kinda hard) not to give them scores by their clothes, or their hair, or their cars.. ahahaha.. well, it is hard.. our society has been labeling people based on clothes, car, hair, husband/wife and other material things..

I'm still learning, though.. I also learn to see my friends, those who I've known for a while.. through the same lens.. you know, eventhough they're smiling, doesn't mean that they're okay.. I'm learning to see their heart.. people might be laughing out loud, but crying really deep in their hearts.. and sometimes the pain inside hurts so bad that your brain automatically hid all those problems with a smile and you don't even have to force yourself to smile.. you just did, automatically..

I used to be one of those people.. I hide behind my smiles.. it becomes my drug, you know.. to smile and let people think I'm just fine.. I am blessed by the Lord, with so much.. but I also noticed that the more blessing you have, the more responsibilities you got (just like spiderman, with great power, comes great responsibilities).. and the more test you have to pass.. I believe that God above knows really well our ability.. and that He gives us what we need at the right time.. that He knows just how much blessing and responsibilities we can handle..

after a while, I realized that sometimes it hurts when people you consider friends made the wrong conclusion about you.. they join those people who thought you're really fine since you're smiling and laughing and shopping and gossiping.. we all need friends, and for me.. I need friends mostly when I'm sad.. well, I don't expect them to see that I'm crying inside or to cry with me.. instead, I expect them to laugh with me.. and just see me for who I am.. you don't have to understand other's deepest feeling.. but just laugh with them would be such a great help.. you know, the things friends can do to make friendship worth.. that you indeed are not alone..

arrghhh... it's been a loonnnggg post.. and my fingers are hurting ahahaha.. basically, I'm just babbling around.. throwing all the thoughts I have in mind and try to make peace to myself :)

mem-blogwalking..

staun yang lalu klo ditanya apa itu blogwalking.. gw ga bakal engeh apa itu.. scara gw jg ga tlalu ngeblog yak hehehe.. um, tapi seiring berjalannya waktu, gw jadi suka baca-baca blog orang.. slaen karna sifat dasar gw yang kepo, tapi gw jadi suka nemu blog-blog yang seru, lucu, penuh fashion, penuh makanan dll.. which brings more information to me.. jadi skarang tu klo ada resto baru tinggal googling aja ntar kluar de review dari orang-orang through blog..

seru? yap.. seru banget buat gw.. reading other people's point of view.. bisa tau toko-toko online yang terpercaya.. trus terutama bisa baca kisah hidup orang sih.. karna each person's life is very interesting.. maybe we don't know them, we don't even know they exist before reading the blog.. or maybe we're seperated by time and space.. but when you read their stories, it makes you feel close.. at least you know their names :)

um, lately when I have nothing to do at the office (ups, please do not let my boss read this), I would open somebody's blog I've been following and try to find their friends and go blogwalking.. some blogs I've found are amazing.. especially that relates to food journey :) well, turns out that reading other people's blog is an amazing journey for me.. getting to know other people's life, new restaurant in town, new fashion in town or even cake recipes (yang mana pas liat resep pengen gw buat tapi apa daya tangan tak sampai bagai pungguk merindukan bulan).. anyway, their stories brings happiness, and sometimes touch my heart.. I think for me, it's the greatest experience in blogging.. scara gw suka males komen-komen ato kenalan sama orang thru internet..

lately, blog ini lah yang sering gw baca.. dan gw suka.. hahaha.. how he writes the blog reminds me of.. ME! the words he uses.. mirip sama cara gw dan temen-temen gw ngomong.. jadi berasa kaya lagi baca tulisan temen sendiri :P anyway, tapi si orang ini juga suka post hal-hal yang touchy.. he likes to write fictions (see, only by reading his blog, gw bisa ngambil kesimpulan dia suka apa) dan post di bawah ini merupakan salah satu post yang bikin gw senyum dan ga berenti liatinnya.. suka banget.. :)

P.S: hopefully, klo uda punya suami.. walo suami gw ga punya blog.. he'll say or write something as nice as that :) ngarep mode: on..

Some Random Conversation

venue: my lovely bed

person involved: my lovely mother

the conversation is as followed:

Mother: Ci, ko mami ga bisa add temen mami ya di fesbuk..

Cilla: Um, salah spelling nama kali..

Mother: Engga ko, tapi pas dimasukin ga ada.. not found gitu..

Cilla: Emang namanya apa?

Mother: Mami pake emailnya dia.. XXX_paparomeo@yahoo.co.id

Cilla: Ha? paparomeo itu maksudnya XXX_pr?

Mother: Oooooooooooooooooo iyayah? Mami masukin XXX_paparomeo...

We both laughed out really loud... :D

Just Some Random Thoughts

it's 3:22 a.m in the morning of February 18, 2010.. and unfortunately, i'm still stuck in this office.. why? well, i have this one last audit report to be released and it seems that this report is the hard one.. hum, how to describe it? it's like you want to poop and it's really hard to come out.. well, at least that's the best analogy i can find.. hahaha.. if you asked me what i'm doing here.. i actually just had my sleep and it's not good, it even made my back hurts..

okay, well.. i have played pet society and looklet and i still have nothing to do (other than waiting).. so i think, hey why don't i make a blog post.. since it's been quite a while.. and so now, my fingers are playing in the keyboard with some slow romantic music and a hot pop mie next to me.. (the pop mie was good, i had just had my first bite)

anyway.. what's up?? it's been quite a while since my last post.. well, i've been pretty busy since.. um, until now, i still.. um, what's the word? i think i still can't believe that i'm leaving this office, all the friends here, all the memories.. it's just hard for me to say goodbye.. this has been a place where i spent most of my time during the last two years.. well, i can say that this job has become my habbit during those times.. (i was writing this while looking at all the messy laptops, calculators, reports, snacks.. it's so typical for us, auditors)..

one of the hardest part of leaving this office is.. not being able to be in the same office with my bf.. hahaha.. is it weird? well, since we started our relationship, we have met each other almost everyday, since we usually spent our time in the same office and client.. and now that i have to leave and won't see him this often.. i guessed i know that i'll miss him..

i would also miss all my friends here.. we're totally like family for me :) i'm gonna miss our laughters, cela-celaan moments.. you know, when you're saying goodbye, all that comes to your mind is all those sweet memories haha.. and i think i'm a little mellow.. well, do forgive me, i'm stuck in the office and it's almost dawn..

i would want to talk about my feelings lately.. it's been a hard days in the office with this report and everybody seems to be in a very bad mood.. well, including me.. but i have several moments that always make me smile.. i got a fuschia rose for valentine and my bf? he's been the sweetest haha.. okay, i should not proceed since i'm blushing in front of the laptop.. and i was all alone..

i just want you to know, that i think and feel it, just like you do :)

Being 24

I'M OFFICIALLY 24 NOW

and I have spent most of my first day of being 24 in the office haha.. not that I complained.. I just think that it's not common, right? well anyway, my first wish yesterday was not to spend the first minute of me being 24 in the office.. and it wasn't granted hehe.. in fact, I spend my first 8 hours in that office.. well, I have to say that a few days ago, I didn't feel like going to have a birthday.. but my friends, my very good friends brought me some surprise.. and I'm trully thankful for you, guys.. YOU GUYS ROCKKK!!! and I love U full...

1. Message Jar from Aang, Ninung, Sisca, Eka, Andry, Elsi, Jo, Maythel in EY

2. Blackberry 9700 from Mom & Bro

3. Picture of Me and harvest cakes from my best friend, Niya

4. Starbucks Coffee tumbler from Aang & Eka

This Is It

a couple days ago..

I made a decision.. a big decision, for me.. it's regarding my future and my career.. yes, I am resigning and starting a new career in another place.. it's not that I don't like my current job.. you can refer to my previous post.. I like it.. I even started to think that I'm loving it.. and so, it's really hard for me to make this decision.. but once I made up my mind and talked to my mom, then contacted the new office.. I felt relieve.. I don't know why.. but I'm sure that this is God's way.. I have once turned this job down but it came back to me anyway.. so I thought that this is the best decision I can make right now..

talking about salary.. yes, the new job offered a higher salary than my current.. but when I think about it over again, I realize that money doesn't always matter.. I prefer a job offering me a work life balance.. because I'm quite aware that I'm starting to have so little time for my friends.. you know, the feeling you get when you opened your friend's facebook album and found out that there's no your face in their latest dinner or karaoke or vacation.. yes, exactly that kind of feeling..

today..

some people questioned a decision I have made a couple days ago.. the questions were: are you sure or not? is it possible to change it? why did you make that decision?.. these people were my bosses.. I know that they wished the best for me because they loved me.. well, I usually ended up smiling.. and say: Yes I am sure.. I know nothing can guarantee my future there.. but I am willing to take that chance.. and let God do the rest..


as a matter of fact, I really am sure.. I never thought I could be this sure.. remembering I'm not a type of decision maker.. I used to be very confused, even regarding what I will eat haha.. so it's true that it's not an easy decision to make.. but I am firmed..

this was the best advise I got today from my favourite boss:

love your job.. it's your decision, anyway.. each job will have some positive and negative aspects.. but learn to love it then do your job the best you can.. so whatever your goals are, they will surely come true.. life is hard, but you can always manage and put some fun in every work.. smile and everything will be okay..