a quarter of century already.. happy as always

And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives

Where we're gonna be when we turn 25

I keep thinking times will never change

Keep on thinking things will always be the same

on February 8, 2011, I officially declared that I have lived for a quarter of century.. *sigh* well, aging is one scary thing.. once we were young, we wished to get mature soon, but once we are mature enough, we wished for our youth haha.. the 'never had enough' creature called human.. to be honest, I do scare of getting old.. afraid of those wrinkles -oh, well it's too early to worry about wrinkles- haha.. I guess, what I'm afraid most of aging is the more responsibilities the society expect from me.. I'm such an imperfect person, I have so many thing I have to improve from myself.. well, I think I'll just have to lay back and relax, I believe God will take me to where I supposed to be..

this is my first birthday without my father around to greet me happy birthday.. to be honest, I miss him a lot.. I still remember his smile when he greeted me last year, I still remember where he used to sit and the clothes he wear and how he called me.. I remember that he would kiss me in my cheek and wish me a happy birthday.. okay, my eyes are watery hehe.. I still cried sometimes when I'm thinking about him..

okay, move on to something happier.. in the morning of my birthday, like other ordinary working day, I took shower and while showering (don't imagine please) I started to think.. well, I talked to God, actually.. the day before (Monday), Jakarta's traffic was like hell (I've never been to hell before, though)..the roads were crowded, motorcycles kept on going and never let us, car drivers to have a little way, other cars kept honking.. aarrhh it was one stressful journey.. so on that Tuesday morning, I asked God to be kind to me and make a less crowded journey for me to go to office that day.. and to God be the glory, the road is very nice to me.. no significant traffic, the crowd was just okay, and my left leg is saved from pressing kopling too much.. even until I reached Casablanca area which always makes me spent at least half an hour, it was very vacant.. okay, I realized that even the smallest wish is heard by God above and I'm greatly thankful to Him :) well, at least I know that he's around me to hear my wish..

my office's habit on someone's birthday is the birthday person should bring food, so my loveliest mom made some arem-arem and risoles and we bought pastel, remembering my colleagues' appetite haha.. when I reached my table, there's this little card which was full of writings from my colleagues, some are really funny to read and others are merely 'happy birthday, all the best' haha.. but I do appreciate it all.. from my office, I also got a carrefour voucher worth Rp100,000.. even though it's not so much, but it's my first office who gave me a birthday present and a birthday leave YAY.. so if it's your birthday, you're entitled to have one day off to celebrate your birthday with your loved ones.. how thoughtful :)

on the same day, at night.. my dearest high school friends called me and asked me to go out.. he said that I'm old enough not to need any surprises, so he's gonna be straight forward and asked me to go (instead of surprisingly showing up at my door), bought me the cake I get to chose.. it was 9 p.m at that time.. I was quite tired, but I really appreciate my friends.. so I asked permission from my mother, and she reluctantly allowed me to go.. I changed clothes, and my best friend picked me up and we're heading to Starbucks Coffee in Puri Indah Mall.. I always love the Starbucks there since it's really cozy.. well, then he brought me a cake, which as promised, I chose by myself.. I picked tiramisu.. then out of nowhere, he put two little candles on top of it and asked me to make a wish and blow the candle.. it was a small cup of creamy, yummy, indulging layers of a cake we known as tiramisu.. I love it.. but remembering all the fat included, I was kinda scared haha.. well, there were 7 of us in Starbucks and we had a nice, light chat.. talking about gossip, other friends, next meeting schedule and I had so much fun.. the time surely flies when you enjoy the moment.. we left Starbucks at 00.00 a.m and I reached home at 00.30 a.m.. sleepy and happy :)

actually, my bf was planning to send me a surprise cake but my mom was out the entire day and I was at the office, so nobody was at home to receive it.. the cake was resent the next day and I had a dinner schedule with bf.. once we got home, the cake was nicely kept in my fridge and we decided to blow some candles and cut the cake.. so I made another wish and blow the candle, cut the cake and eat the cake.. hahaha.. still scared of the amount of fat in it, but whatever, it was my birthday after all.. the cake he chose was chocolate almond.. it was not creamy, but I like it.. I can taste the almond blended in the chocolate layer.. thanks bf :)

the card - Chocolate Almond cake - Tiramisu Cake

a great birthday.. a half of century.. happy as always.. surrounded by God's love and much love from people I care about.. crazy, fun and loyal friends.. warm office colleagues.. and last but not least, a wonderful bf :)

about a man I called father..

on January 14, 2011 - 7.35 a.m West Indonesia local time, my dearest father left this world and returned to Heavenly Father's home.. where, I'm sure, he's warmly welcome..

my father was born on May 7, 1953, he was named Sie Hong Gie, a second son in the family.. he was graduated from University of Indonesia, Faculty of Economics, majoring in Management.. he loved to eat and travel.. on April 21, 1985, he married my mom, and a year later, they have me :)

my father got stroke on May 1996, when I was still 10 years old.. he has previously suffered diabetes and high blood pressure, and the combination of both creates the stroke attack.. the stroke got him an unnormal left part of the body.. his left hand and leg couldn't function properly.. he can walk, although not like normal people and he easily got tired.. I remember how he used to complain and how he went here and there just to try to be cured.. 

my father's biggest wish was to be able to drive a car again.. you can tell that he really loves to travel.. when I was still in elementary school, I used to join him going to office and he dropped me at my school..

I used to think that my father doesn't love me, since he loved my younger brother so much.. I used to be really mad at him of how he treated me.. when I was older, my father realized that he loves my brother a little more than he loves me.. so he tried to make it up to me.. he often talked to me, asked me about my school and work.. he tried to make me laugh with his jokes,  share his thoughts and even give advice.. later, he said that he is sorry for not loving me as much as his love for my brother..

my father was a pessimist.. since he got the stroke, he felt really miserable.. he started to hate life and think that death would be better.. once, he told my cousin -his favorite nephew- that he would prefer to die that live as a disabled.. my cousin then challenged him, asking him to see his children graduated and become bachelor.. he agreed to be strong until the time comes.. this story was told by my cousin on his funeral.. I have never heard this before.. 

I went to University of Indonesia (UI), Faculty of Economics, majoring in Accounting.. I remember that he was so proud of me going to the same college as him.. I remember he mentioned a few of his friends who became teacher in UI during my college years.. my brother went to Singapore's Nanyang Technological University (NTU), majoring in mechanical engineering.. I remember that he was so proud yet a little reluctant to let my brother go abroad..

I was graduated on January 28, 2008.. the graduation ceremony took place in UI's balairung which was unreachable for him to come.. the land was hilly and we believe it would be hard for him to come.. and so he didn't see me graduated.. he heard the stories and saw the pictures.. he congratulated me for achieving the Bachelor of Economics..

like I've said before, he loved my brother so much.. when finally my brother graduated from his college, my father really wanted to go to see his beloved son's graduation.. however, like UI, NTU was in a hilly part of Singapore, which will cause a lot of walking on foot.. I remember that he insisted to go, that he would ask my cousin to accompany him during the trip.. my mom and I decided to take the flight with Tiger Airways, a budget airlines which landed in Changi budget terminal.. this was going to make the trip even more difficult from him, since we have to get off the plane by stairs.. I remember that I was going to pay for his ticket with Air Asia, but he refused.. he said, it's okay if he didn't come.. it's one thing that I regret now, I wished I had forced him to come and see his beloved son's graduation..

my father doesn't got a lot of picture of himself.. he seems a little awkward if you take a picture of him.. like the one I posted here.. but he always eager to have a family photograph.. we have done twice family photograph.. one when I was still in high school and another one after my brother and I graduated.. he really insisted to get the family photograph, I don't know why.. well, perhaps he wanted to leave us with a nice portrait of him, still standing tall..

he loved soccer so much that he inherited the hobby to both of his children.. I remember when I was still at school, we would wake up in the middle of the night just to watch a soccer match live.. I was the one who will cook instant noodle in the middle of the break.. 

since he was sick, he spent most of his days at home, wearing only t-shirt and shorts.. he had a lot of stocks.. whenever we asked him out, he will wear polo-shirt and shorts and his favorite pairs of mountain sandal.. a few years ago, I bought him a polo shirt for his birthday, and it became his favorite outfit to go out of house.. he said that the fabric was cool and he really liked it.. he always wears that polo every time he went out, even the color had fade.. 

my father loved to talk and laugh.. he love to share his youth stories and the people he knew in his youth days.. he talked about politics, work and soccer.. he could sit for hours to just talk.. he said that after he talked, he felt relieved.. like nothing could bother him..

about three months ago, he fell and broke his right leg bone.. the fell accident was the beginning of the hardest time in his life.. since he fell, he couldn't walk.. he had to go for a surgery to replace the right leg bone.. then, he spent three times a week for therapy, but it was too hard for him.. he started to lose hope.. it was hard for him to have a limp left leg, and he had to face that his right leg was not functioning as well as he expected.. I can see that he was so stressed out that he began to loose weight..

perhaps he had felt that he's going to leave this world soon that he started to apologize to almost everybody he knew.. he always asked for prayers for him from anyone who come to visit him.. during his last days in the world, we spent our days at hospital.. thank God, he still could recognize people coming to visit him.. he still wanted to laugh and talk with others, asking how they were doing.. 

the last time he opened his eyes, he didn't ask for anything.. he only asked for his children.. he once told my cousin that he wished to see me get married, but then he said, it's okay if he couldn't.. in the hospital, he asked me whether I love him or not.. then he apologized for everything he had done.. then I fell into tears.. I remember I couldn't stop crying.. 

then I prayed and begged to the Lord, that if my dad was guaranteed to be saved and he confessed with his mouth and heart that Jesus was his savior, then I would let him go.. but if he had not confessed, then I'm begging for God's mercy to let him live, so I may have more time to talk about Christianity to him..

during his last conscious hours, he finally called for Jesus and confessed with his mouth that Jesus is his savior.. I felt peace in my heart and I know that it's okay to let him go.. until his funeral, I did cry, but I felt amazingly calm and my heart was filled with peace..


so now, dear God, I am trusting him to you.. I didn't say good bye to my father.. instead, I say 'God be with you till we meet again, papi'.. I love you much.. 

panjaaaaaaaangg dan lebaaaaarrrr

WARNING: this is a LONG post.. walo ga sepanjang antrian busway arah kalideres di halte harmoni :) do enjoy, though.. and please don't force yourself to finish it.. it's just my mind and completely okay if you stop reading due to boredom :) hihihi...

Someone will always be prettier.

Someone will always be smarter.

Someone’s house will be bigger.

Someone will drive a better car.

Someone’s children will do better in school.

And Someone’s husband will fix more things around the house.

So let it go, and love you and your circumstances.

Think about it.

The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart.

And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children.

And the richest woman you know, she’s got the car, the house, the clothes...might be lonely.

And the word says if “I have not Love, I am nothing.”

So, again, love you. Love who you are.

Look in the mirror in the morning and smile and say..

“I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!”

“Winners make things happen. Losers let things happen.”

“To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world.”

the phrase above was written by someone I don't know, was forwarded through email and gives me something to think about.. I used to be a complainer (is that even a word?) and I still complains sometimes.. well, I'm sure in life there are things happen not as our plan, some works are too difficult, some friends are too annoying, some bosses are too demanding and stuffs..

personally, I would say that I actually don't mean to complain.. I used to say the word "aduh" or take a deep breath.. well, to be honest, I don't intentionally do that, it's more of a spontaneous reactions.. so do forgive me, if there are times I do those stuffs in front of you.. I try to change but it takes time.. longer that I've expected..

I love to talk.. I'm talkative.. and when I talked, I would directly talk about something that's been in my mind.. well, lately it would be work.. I dunno how work can really take over my brain.. it's like unconciously I would talk about work over and over again.. as a defense, I would say that I spend more than 8 hours in work and my mind continuously focus on the tasks I got.. and so yeah, it basically controls my mind for the 8 hours of normal working hours and sometimes it continues til I got home.. I'm not saying that I hate my work.. in fact, I'm enjoying it.. okay, stop about work ahhahaha... see, it's even intending to take over this post..

well, what I want to talk is life.. my life, to be specific.. and probably your life, if you have something common with me.. let me make this clear.. I am 24 years old, working as a banker and I am happy with my life.. like I've said before, there are times when I complains.. but overall, I love my life.. some parts of it are tough.. you know, those parts when you feel like walking in a shadow and you can't see any doors or windows or anybody to talk to..

I learnt through these years to be more thankful.. during my college time, I used to complain to God for a lot of things.. now, looking back to those times, I realized that I've been really unstable and unable to see things in the right point of view.. I used to be selfish.. well, I'm not saying that I'm completely unselfish now.. but I learn to think towards my problems thoroughly.. just to get a better picture of it.. I learn a lot..

life has been quite hard for me.. it's not something I could share.. I used to cry a lot when I'm alone.. and I couldn't even say a pray.. but I know that God understands the language of tears, right? I know that He has helped me through the hardest times.. I wouldn't be this strong if He hadn't held my hands.. now, with His help, I managed to smile and pray.. smile has been my shelter for a long time.. it's like my ultimate weapon to say that I'm alright..

I love to smile.. for me, I'm always beautiful when I'm smiling.. ahahaha.. now, I'm happy.. really happy with my life.. with friends I have around me.. well, they may not seem to understand sometimes.. but just by being around, sharing their stories, joking around.. they have helped me to smile.. and by smiling I know, that I will be okay.. that all is well..

sometimes people may think high about us.. hum, because you smile all the time, people think you don't have any problem.. because your salary is higher, people thinks you're happier.. because you spend more, people thinks you're richer.. well, I think those people must be really shallow.. we have to see the coin from both sides.. nobody's life is perfect.. you really can't judge people only by looking at their cover.. so I learn to clear my mind when seeing somebody new.. try (though it's kinda hard) not to give them scores by their clothes, or their hair, or their cars.. ahahaha.. well, it is hard.. our society has been labeling people based on clothes, car, hair, husband/wife and other material things..

I'm still learning, though.. I also learn to see my friends, those who I've known for a while.. through the same lens.. you know, eventhough they're smiling, doesn't mean that they're okay.. I'm learning to see their heart.. people might be laughing out loud, but crying really deep in their hearts.. and sometimes the pain inside hurts so bad that your brain automatically hid all those problems with a smile and you don't even have to force yourself to smile.. you just did, automatically..

I used to be one of those people.. I hide behind my smiles.. it becomes my drug, you know.. to smile and let people think I'm just fine.. I am blessed by the Lord, with so much.. but I also noticed that the more blessing you have, the more responsibilities you got (just like spiderman, with great power, comes great responsibilities).. and the more test you have to pass.. I believe that God above knows really well our ability.. and that He gives us what we need at the right time.. that He knows just how much blessing and responsibilities we can handle..

after a while, I realized that sometimes it hurts when people you consider friends made the wrong conclusion about you.. they join those people who thought you're really fine since you're smiling and laughing and shopping and gossiping.. we all need friends, and for me.. I need friends mostly when I'm sad.. well, I don't expect them to see that I'm crying inside or to cry with me.. instead, I expect them to laugh with me.. and just see me for who I am.. you don't have to understand other's deepest feeling.. but just laugh with them would be such a great help.. you know, the things friends can do to make friendship worth.. that you indeed are not alone..

arrghhh... it's been a loonnnggg post.. and my fingers are hurting ahahaha.. basically, I'm just babbling around.. throwing all the thoughts I have in mind and try to make peace to myself :)

mem-blogwalking..

staun yang lalu klo ditanya apa itu blogwalking.. gw ga bakal engeh apa itu.. scara gw jg ga tlalu ngeblog yak hehehe.. um, tapi seiring berjalannya waktu, gw jadi suka baca-baca blog orang.. slaen karna sifat dasar gw yang kepo, tapi gw jadi suka nemu blog-blog yang seru, lucu, penuh fashion, penuh makanan dll.. which brings more information to me.. jadi skarang tu klo ada resto baru tinggal googling aja ntar kluar de review dari orang-orang through blog..

seru? yap.. seru banget buat gw.. reading other people's point of view.. bisa tau toko-toko online yang terpercaya.. trus terutama bisa baca kisah hidup orang sih.. karna each person's life is very interesting.. maybe we don't know them, we don't even know they exist before reading the blog.. or maybe we're seperated by time and space.. but when you read their stories, it makes you feel close.. at least you know their names :)

um, lately when I have nothing to do at the office (ups, please do not let my boss read this), I would open somebody's blog I've been following and try to find their friends and go blogwalking.. some blogs I've found are amazing.. especially that relates to food journey :) well, turns out that reading other people's blog is an amazing journey for me.. getting to know other people's life, new restaurant in town, new fashion in town or even cake recipes (yang mana pas liat resep pengen gw buat tapi apa daya tangan tak sampai bagai pungguk merindukan bulan).. anyway, their stories brings happiness, and sometimes touch my heart.. I think for me, it's the greatest experience in blogging.. scara gw suka males komen-komen ato kenalan sama orang thru internet..

lately, blog ini lah yang sering gw baca.. dan gw suka.. hahaha.. how he writes the blog reminds me of.. ME! the words he uses.. mirip sama cara gw dan temen-temen gw ngomong.. jadi berasa kaya lagi baca tulisan temen sendiri :P anyway, tapi si orang ini juga suka post hal-hal yang touchy.. he likes to write fictions (see, only by reading his blog, gw bisa ngambil kesimpulan dia suka apa) dan post di bawah ini merupakan salah satu post yang bikin gw senyum dan ga berenti liatinnya.. suka banget.. :)

P.S: hopefully, klo uda punya suami.. walo suami gw ga punya blog.. he'll say or write something as nice as that :) ngarep mode: on..

Some Random Conversation

venue: my lovely bed

person involved: my lovely mother

the conversation is as followed:

Mother: Ci, ko mami ga bisa add temen mami ya di fesbuk..

Cilla: Um, salah spelling nama kali..

Mother: Engga ko, tapi pas dimasukin ga ada.. not found gitu..

Cilla: Emang namanya apa?

Mother: Mami pake emailnya dia.. XXX_paparomeo@yahoo.co.id

Cilla: Ha? paparomeo itu maksudnya XXX_pr?

Mother: Oooooooooooooooooo iyayah? Mami masukin XXX_paparomeo...

We both laughed out really loud... :D

Just Some Random Thoughts

it's 3:22 a.m in the morning of February 18, 2010.. and unfortunately, i'm still stuck in this office.. why? well, i have this one last audit report to be released and it seems that this report is the hard one.. hum, how to describe it? it's like you want to poop and it's really hard to come out.. well, at least that's the best analogy i can find.. hahaha.. if you asked me what i'm doing here.. i actually just had my sleep and it's not good, it even made my back hurts..

okay, well.. i have played pet society and looklet and i still have nothing to do (other than waiting).. so i think, hey why don't i make a blog post.. since it's been quite a while.. and so now, my fingers are playing in the keyboard with some slow romantic music and a hot pop mie next to me.. (the pop mie was good, i had just had my first bite)

anyway.. what's up?? it's been quite a while since my last post.. well, i've been pretty busy since.. um, until now, i still.. um, what's the word? i think i still can't believe that i'm leaving this office, all the friends here, all the memories.. it's just hard for me to say goodbye.. this has been a place where i spent most of my time during the last two years.. well, i can say that this job has become my habbit during those times.. (i was writing this while looking at all the messy laptops, calculators, reports, snacks.. it's so typical for us, auditors)..

one of the hardest part of leaving this office is.. not being able to be in the same office with my bf.. hahaha.. is it weird? well, since we started our relationship, we have met each other almost everyday, since we usually spent our time in the same office and client.. and now that i have to leave and won't see him this often.. i guessed i know that i'll miss him..

i would also miss all my friends here.. we're totally like family for me :) i'm gonna miss our laughters, cela-celaan moments.. you know, when you're saying goodbye, all that comes to your mind is all those sweet memories haha.. and i think i'm a little mellow.. well, do forgive me, i'm stuck in the office and it's almost dawn..

i would want to talk about my feelings lately.. it's been a hard days in the office with this report and everybody seems to be in a very bad mood.. well, including me.. but i have several moments that always make me smile.. i got a fuschia rose for valentine and my bf? he's been the sweetest haha.. okay, i should not proceed since i'm blushing in front of the laptop.. and i was all alone..

i just want you to know, that i think and feel it, just like you do :)

Being 24

I'M OFFICIALLY 24 NOW

and I have spent most of my first day of being 24 in the office haha.. not that I complained.. I just think that it's not common, right? well anyway, my first wish yesterday was not to spend the first minute of me being 24 in the office.. and it wasn't granted hehe.. in fact, I spend my first 8 hours in that office.. well, I have to say that a few days ago, I didn't feel like going to have a birthday.. but my friends, my very good friends brought me some surprise.. and I'm trully thankful for you, guys.. YOU GUYS ROCKKK!!! and I love U full...

1. Message Jar from Aang, Ninung, Sisca, Eka, Andry, Elsi, Jo, Maythel in EY

2. Blackberry 9700 from Mom & Bro

3. Picture of Me and harvest cakes from my best friend, Niya

4. Starbucks Coffee tumbler from Aang & Eka